Ms. Claus

Happy Holidays to my favourite bitches.

I love you all, in many very different ways. But they're all sexual.

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Why I Love St. Patrick's Day

1. Green in the new black.

2. Puke is the new yack.

3. Some of my favourite people are Irish.

4. Slutty girls at the bar rubbing up on guys all day long as if it were 1:30am.

5. Number 12 green food dye makes whoever you're talking with look like they just gave a sloppy BJ to the green CareBear. (I'm looking at you, McTeer).

6. Everyone busts out a story relating the purported Irish-ness of their lineage. "My uncle's third wife was married to an Irish guy".

7. Three words: Leprechauns are hung.