A Little Tense

For Christ's sake, fella.... It's just coffee.

If you're gonna hit her, hit her for giving your boss a rusty trombone at the office Christmas party. Jesus.

Puberty? What's that?!?

Say, Coach!
Why am becoming increasingly socially awkward? Why do my parents refuse to look me in the eyes anymore? Why do I smell funny? Why does George look at me like that?

Coach!? COACH!?

On The Next Episode Of "Mad Men"

Ok fellas, we've got the Lane Bryant account. Now, they've told us they're sweet-talkin' the Chubby demographic.

They've put together a Chubby Fashion book, full of Chubby-size clothes for the typical All-American Chubby.

Keep in mind boys, that this is not your father's Chubby. This is a new, bold and modern Chubby we're courting. We need to think outside the box on this one, and really sink our hooks into those Chubbies.

If we make good on this, the Husky account is gonna fall into our laps, like the food that falls out of the mouth of a Chubby.

Now. Who's gonna handle this one? How 'bout you, Jones? That wife of yours can give you some inspiration.

Let's break for lunch, and don't forget boys-- we need those Chubbies.

Don't Shoot the Messenger

Or, shall I say "Preese, no shoot me, humbre Westerna man!!"




I know, right?!?!?! I love how this video has been assigned the tag 'Borderline Racist'. If this is borderline anything, it's the borderline between a Bob Hope stand-up routine and a typical Saturday night with the Klan.

I feel that I must bring attention to the fact that, while this ad ran in the 60's, I was born in 1981 and I can remember colouring with Crayola crayons which had colours named 'Indian Red' and 'Flesh' (that is to say, caucasian flesh. Obviously, they made the same mistake as those crazy Old Testament writers who confused skin with flesh. "Oy, what a mistake I've made!" says Rabbi Krustofski).

This abominaiton is actually *terribly* appropriate for me to have found today, because mere hours ago, I attended a lecture on Orientalism at my post-secondary home away from home.
Edward Said, this one's for you, big daddy.

(By the way, I'm pretty sure Poor Chinese-Type Baby's mother is Betty Rubble. I always knew she would leave Barney... I bet she caught him and Fred 'polishing' each other's 'bowling balls'.)

Unsettling As It Gets

I'll just give you the gist of this one:

1. Husband locks wife out of the bedroom due to her smelly snatch.

2. Divorce papers are drawn up.

3. Don't let this happen to you. Douche with Lysol.

4. Smell gone.

5. Happily ever after.

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