I'm Gay For...

The slutty chair from Pee Wee's Playhouse. She taught me everything I know about what it means to be a woman, and how to please a man by making him sit on my face.

I'm Gay For...

Jennifer Tilly.


Special thanks to Eric from www.tiptaptip.com for reminding me how much I love her.

I'm Gay For...

Hummus. Fuckin' eh.

I'm Gay For...

The tiny little tables in the middle of a pizza. Sure, the adult in me knows it's there to prevent the cheese from sticking to the top of the box. But the 8-year old girl in me knows it's there so that my Barbies have a table to gather around while discussing the current Book Club selection.

"Oh Barbie, don't be so naive. Moll Flanders is no victim."

"Dammit, Skipper, you did this last month with Heart of Darkness! I have an opinion, and it shan't be stifled!"

"OK you two, simmer down. Here, have some petit fours and we'll choose our book for next month. Now, I've been hearing a lot of interest in Pynchon. But I would like to suggest Edith Wharton in honour of Stacie's upcoming trip to Boston. Now, who's for some port?"

I'm Gay For...

Robert Downey Jr.

Yes baby, of course you can snort coke off my ass. Just please don't leave me.

I'm Gay For...

...squidpod.

There comes a point in every woman's life when she must admit she has been outfoxed. Whether she loses her husband to a Filipino transsexual named Jade, or she loses the big promotion to a 22-year old with braces and gonorrhea, she must admit defeat.

For me, that day is today. I have oficially lost the title of "Awesomeness Personified". And not just to one person, either-- there are two victors tied for first place.

Who are these specimens of wondrous hilarity, you ask? Who are these superhumans who warrant the praise of me -ME!- a woman who once had sex on the front lawn of a Catholic Church with a gay man- to bow down in defeat?

They are Joel and Jenn of squidpod.

Words are cheap, I know. I say a lot of things are awesome-- turkey stuffing, sunglasses, rocking chairs. But Joel and Jenn-- and please don't mistake the following statement for hyperbole-- are the best thing on this fucking planet since Jesus.

Don't believe me? Indulge me by considering the following excerpts from their podcasts:

Jenn: "I picked up a couple of great books the other day..."

Joel: (audible sigh of disgust)

"It twists so you can drill things in awkward places"

"Tron! It was TRON, for fuck's sakes!"

"The verb of maternity is... matronly?"

"There's days when I come home and... I don't want to live in a fart"

"It's gonna feel tight 'cause it's poking through nylon"

"You basically have 4 hands"

"...and continue to screw like crazy"

"I knew I instantly liked you when you maimed me in my eye"

"There's some squares, and they need a little bit of help. And that help is Wild Turkey"

"So I was working at my monkey research laboratory job..."

"I think he might be dead"

And my personal favourite:

"If anyone asks why your Ikea catalog has holes, tell them it's 'cause the Swedes are assholes"

Now that you Know, now that you are in sync with the universe and all of it's mysteries and pleasures, do not let this knowledge go to waste. Leave this stinking dog turd of a blog and go to squidpod. It was nice knowing you.

I'm Gay For...

Grey Gardens. Why? Please allow the following quotes to answer your question.

Little Edie: If you can't get a man to propose to you, you might as well be dead.

Big Edie: The cat's going to the bathroom right in behind my portrait.
Little Edie: Isn't that awful?
Big Edie: No, I'm glad he is. I'm glad someone's doing what he wanted to.

Big Edie: He always compliments me on the way I do my corn.

Big Edie: France fell, but Edie didn't fall.

If you haven't watched it, you haven't lived. This statement is absolutely without hyperbole.

I'm Gay For...

This place.



Why?
The coffee= other-worldly.
The music= delightful.
And best of all, it makes me feel gloriously pretentious.

Caffe Artigiano, I heart you.

I'm Gay For...

Her.

This is one of my best girlfriends. She is the proprietor of a significant piece of real estate in my heart. To me she is... perfect.

Part of my unconditional love for her stems from her ability to attract crazies and uncomfortable situations. It is... inspiring.

Observe.

I'm Gay For...

The forest.

Also-- a tree bed? Yes, please.

I'm Gay For...

Bruce Springsteen.

Then and now.

I'm Gay For...

Beer. Cold, frosty beer.

I'm Gay For...

Blip.fm

I'm Gay For...

Used book stores.

I'm Gay For...

Louis XV-era French writing desks.

I'm Gay For...

Mr. Nutty - Peanut-encrusted chocolate Easter novelty.