If it's melted, it counts as a food group.

A word to the wise: Don't let yourself get so hungry that, as soon as dinner is made, you forget to turn off the stove.

Tattoo FAIL

There is nothing more satisfying that seeing stupid people branded with marks equal to or greater than their own stupidity.

I can't write my disdain fast enough.

Let's explore the iconographic significance of this objet d'art:

• (Bugs?) Bunny, with pierced bunny ear and assymetrical hat angle for extra badassness= Tattoo owner is no friend to authority
• Early 90's-style peace sign tee= Allusion to the plight of Tibetans to gain independance
• Loose yet form-fitting slacks= Tattoo owner knows how to party, but can also clean up good for church and Grandma's house
• Nike high-tops= Socio-political commentary on the commodification of children as sweatshop workers
• Pole in hand= Obviously represents pole-vaulting. Duh.

Photo

Proselytism FAIL

I just went to get some coffee and on the way I FOUND A SAVIOUR!

... So many questions.

Let's begin: Why the excessive (ie. exclusive) caps?

I mean, I *guess* religious tracts found on kitchen appliances warrant caps. God certainly speaks and writes in caps.

As for Jesus... I'm not so sure. He probably gave God shit for writing in caps. He's all "Bitch, please".

This note also features one of my favourite usages of exclamation points: Excessive!

Or, rather, EXCESSIVE!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!

Because with each additional exclamation, I come closer to the Lord!!!!! Here I come, Sweet Baby Jesus!!!!!!!!! Testify, tell it to the sky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must note that there are 10 exclamation points in total. If the study of Renaissance art has taught me anything, it is the iconographic meaning of numbers in 15th and 16th century religious painting.

Mrs. Klondike (for such is her name) is clearly alluding to the 10 commandments. In addition, the 5 ellipsis points after her concluding statement refers to the 5 wounds of Christ, (an apt reference during this most sacred season of Lent). Combined, 10 + 5= 15. 1+5 =6, the number associated with Creation. The red font suggests The Passion, which is completed on Easter Monday.

Therefore, the iconographic interpretation is thus:

The body of Christ, residing in the Klondike Bar, is meant to be accepted as the Eucharist on Good Friday. There will be additional Klondike Bars purchased on Easter Monday, which will then undergo transubstantiation and be stored in the freezer next to the peas.


(In other words: Bitch, please. It's just ice cream).


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