He Also Said He's Not Ready to Commit to Something Serious

What do you say to the graduate with absolutely no prospects on his horizon? What sentiment fits such a bleak, uncertain occasion?

This cake depresses me deeply. Is it the Wal-Mart shade of blue? The utter lack of punctuation, denoting an utter lack of emotion? The well-wisher seems not to even care enough about poor Evan to grant him the full words 'love you'.

This is the pastry equivalent to getting a card from your sweetheart with an inscription that reads: Love Ya :)

You're in my heart, Evan. Deep in my <3


Via Cakewrecks

Friday Filmstrips

Just in case you haven't seen it....

Prop 8 The Musical

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

Thy Will Be Done, But After Ours

In my meanderings of the interweb, I recently came across a piece of U.S history—words spoken by General Patton. Bad, rainy weather had immobalized his troops, and he decided to call upon higher powers to intercede.

General Patton: “Chaplain, I want you to publish a prayer for good weather. I’m tired of these soldiers having to fight mood and floods as well as Germans. See if we can’t get God to work on our side.”

The resulting prayer, which was distributed by the U.S. Army with Patton’s Christmas greetings, called upon God
“to restrain these immoderate rains with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for Battle. Graciously harken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee that, armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory, and crush the oppression and wickedness of our enemies, and establish Thy justice among men and nations. Amen”.

Translation:

Hey, God! We’re trying to win. Please stop the rain, which you, in your infinite wisdom, have decided to bless us with. We arm ourselves with your power, and AK47’s. Bazookas too, but mostly your power. Your power is soooooo powerful. It’s so powerful, it can create rain to water our crops and nourish our cattle so that we can eat and drink and survive. But stop the rain. Pretty please. We fight in your name, and in your name we pray, please stop exerting your power. Your will be done. Please conform to our will. Love, Us.

An Open Letter to Scientology

Fuck you.
That's right. I'm talking to you, Scientology.
Fuck you.

Who do you think you are?
First, let's talk about pedigree. A science-fiction writer? Really?
Because, the last time I checked, sci-fi authors were right next to infomercial hosts in the Least Credible Human Beings department. Following a religion that was started by a sci-fi writer is as ridiculous as following some treasure hunter who found a few golden plates in..... wait..... Nevermind.

And you really know your faith will hold up to the test of time if the only way you can get people into your church is to trick them. And don't underestimate the power of B- and C-list celebrities as spokespeople. Nothing says "Respite Of The Soul" like closeted middle-aged caucasian men.

Next, we'll move on to doctrine.
Or, at least we'll move on to doctrine in theory, because apparently you have no doctrine. Watching a Scientology conversion video is like trying to have an orgasm for 7 hours. Nothing is actually accomplished, and you get so frustrated you want to chainsaw someone's face off.

Also, who is this Xenu person? Because I could have sworn it was a fabrication of L. Ron Hubbard's imagination... You know, just some standard H.G Wells-ish bad guy. But I was wrong.... Xenu came here a long time ago and messed up our shit, and his grandchildren stayed here to make life difficult for people. Not like Concentration Camp-difficult, but "My family just doesn't GET me"-difficult.

As if this laundry list of foolishness wasn't enough, you also demand huge amounts of cash from your followers. There is absolutely no precedent in Western Civilization for asking parishoners to pony up mon....oh........wait....

I was wrong.

I guess you are a legitimate religion.

Please find enclosed your tax exemption forms.

Regards,
M. Wood

Giving the People What They Want: Sensationalistic Religion-Bashing

I cannot believe how many people in this world (the majority of them on this continent, really) think that their religion is the only REAL one, which they defend in some extremely un-godly ways. Unfortunately, some of the worst offenders are supposed followers of Christ, who apparently was pretty jazzed about not judging and kindness.

Today, my frustration stems from an episode of Wife Swap, but it's been building steadily, as has my fascination with the Evangelical movement and their apparent pillar of faith, Creationism. I get that it's not the central tenant of their faith, but it seems to be the topic on which so much of their energy is concentrated.Like most reasonable people slash Non-Americans, I believe in evolution. I think the idea that some Christians take a literalist view of the Bible is laughable. That isn't to say that I don't think there's any value in the Bible. I think used in a certain context it can be a wonderful pedagogical tool, but believing that it should be interpreted literally is like teaching your kids not to talk to strangers by telling them there really is a witch in the woods who will lure them into her gingerbread house.

Honestly, I don't see why they seem to think Creation is the most miraculous way for God to create the world. I wouldn't call myself a Christian as defined by modern standards, but I do believe in God. To me, millions of years of tiny variations and adaptations resulting in human beings is like a symphony of miracles orchestrated by a Supreme Being. (Whether you think that the supreme being is God, Buddha, or Leeloo, is your own business).

Supreme Being, or hot carrot?

Creationists argue that public schools teaching evolution are really teaching our kids that they're animals; meaningless organisms in the grand scheme of things. I never remember receiving this message, direct or implied, in all of my years of school. Keep in mind, this is one such person sending the Creation message:

Ken Hamm, Creationist

You see what I mean. Have you every seen a human being who looks more like a chimpanzee?I laugh at his Creationist views, because he is tangible proof of evolution. I'm pretty sure Ken Hamm is the missing link.

Of course, the science that these people have such contempt for is the same science that they will gladly allow to cure their grandmother's cancer. I do see the appeal in this pick-and-choose type of spirituality- it's like a supermarket of faith! You don't have to follow all the rules, just the fresh ones that smell nice and won't give you gas and bloating down the road.

There's a lot more to say about this, but I'm tired now and my white-hot rage has dulled into a mild exacerbation. Stay tuned for more of "What's Wrong With the World According to Michelle".