Thursday, April 23, 2009

RAVE: Twitter

Hey, are you on Twitter?
Hey, are you on Twitter?
Hey, what's up? Oh me, not much... Hey, are you on Twitter?

It's like, the best thing ever!!!

First, you create an account. Then, you search for people. Yay! Can't find anyone? Try searching again! Ok, still haven't found anyone? Ok, try searching one more time. Oh, oops, it appears you have exceeded your maximun search allottment for now. Please wait an hour and search again.

Now that you have a whopping 5 friends, you can update them! And, just as exciting, they can update you. Then, you update back! Actually, they're not on Twitter right now, you might want to wait the standard '1 hour - 8 days' which is the typical time between most Twitter updates. Unless of course, there are "Too Many Tweets" (cute!) and you can't update, in which case, just wait longer.
Why don't you just send a text message, you ask? Because these are the friends that you're really not friendly enough with to exchange numbers. Isn't that what Facebook is for? Well, yes... and no.

You see, Facebook allows you to interact with people in a much more complex manner. But who needs that in this work-a-day world? It's just *so* much better to express yourself in 140 characters or less. After all, the deepest and most consequential feelings can be expressed in 140 words or less:
"I love you"; "I'm really happy"; "I love pistachios"; "Where's the remote"; "John Mayer sucks"; "I hate when the remote is covered in pistachio crumbs"; "Where did that remote get to again?"

Hey, guess what?
I'm 'following' Anderson Cooper! And John Mayer! And Ashton Kutcher! I know, exciting, right?!?!? Well, actually, no, they didn't add, me. Um, no, I don't require their permission to 'follow' their updates. Why is this such a big deal? Because my life is such an empty vessel, I love attaching myself to more successful people so that when my 5 Twitter friends look at my profile, they see that I 'follow' famous people. No, this doesn't mark me as a shameless social climber, but as a Really Cool Person who has the connections to 'follow' famous people whose participation is not in any way required.

Hey! I gotta go now, but I'll text you later! Wait, scratch that... I'll just post an update! Are you on Twitter?