Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pepsi Presents Faith

God loves you. He wants you to have a fuller, richer life.
He's thought about it for a while now, and he has some new tricks up his sleeve to make your life better.

Joel Osteen Ministries, Inc. presents....... THINGS©!

And not only Things... NEW Things©!

Tired of the old Things of deities past? Sick of God's gifts which never seem to change?

Now available, right from the Big Guy in the Sky, direct to your door, The New Things© of God will make you a believer all over again. Experience what it means to be one of the faithful in these hard times. Today's Christian knows that God's grace doesn't come in the form of wisdom, experience or miracles, but in Things©.

FAQ

What are these Things©? How will they improve my life?
The exact nature of JOM, Inc. Things© is a closely-guarded secret,
but you have the guarantee of Joel Osteen himself that his Things©
will dramatically improve the greatness-ocity of your life.

How do I get Things©?
By simply making a cash donation to Joel Osteen Ministries, Inc., you will recieve
The New Things of God©. (Cash dontations only please, no prayers, good
works, or acts of faith are redeemable for Things©).


Can I get Things© for my family and friends?
Of course! Things© make great gifts! Simply make a cash donation to J.O.M, Inc.,
and we will send you Things©. What could be more simple? Not sure what to get for
ther person who has everything? Why not buy The New Things© of God for:
  • Weddings
  • Anniversaries
  • Birthdays
  • Graduations
  • Divorces
  • Civic Holidays
  • Thursdays
  • 3-Days Sober Celebrations
  • Bar Mitzvahs
  • Ramadan
  • Ascension Day
  • Colonial Independance

Things© also make great:

  • Hostess Gifts
  • Police Bribes
  • Doorstops
  • Coffee Table Decorations
  • Salad Toppings
  • Lures for Unsuspecting Children
  • Grizzly Bear Repellents

The New Things© of God are now available, and supplies are limited! Get yours now!

Source (Unfortunately)