Wednesday, March 5, 2008

I am a swinging lamp of antique fashion.

My creative juices have dried up for the day. Please, someone, anyone, make me juicy again.

I think I need some structure.



How do you like your coffee?
The same way I like my men-- ground up and in the freezer.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No, but I can touch YOUR nose with my tongue! And by nose, I mean genitals.

What's your favorite element?
The element of surprise.

What are some of your favourite things?
Reading in bed, bedding in red, camping, building campfires, baby yorkies, baby Yorkies.

What was the last book you read?
The last book I read for my own pleasure is "She's Come Undone", which I've actually read about a dozen times.

Name a movie you really hated.
Ugh.... 300. What a horrible movie. I do not understand why so many people like this movie.

What item couldn't you possibly live without?
My iPod. Well, I suppose I could live without it, but life would not be as sweet as it is now that I can listen to the entirety of the Motown Library whenever I want.

Describe the perfect day.
It would involve beer, a private screening of Silence of the Lambs, and possibly cake. And by possibly, I mean definetely.

What was the last movie you saw at the theater?
Lars and the Real Girl. Really, really good.

The last time you cried...?
I'm not a big crier..... I usually bottle up my emotions until they manifest in panic attacks.

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
It depends on who's wearing it.

What do you do for fun?
Hustle Japanese businessmen.

What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
Malignant. Yeasty. Rancid. But she's wrong. I'm actually pretty rad.

What is your favorite candy?
Blue Whales. The gummies, not the actual whales.

What did you do last night?
Translated Middle English and went to bed with Dubliners. The book, not the actual people.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

He may need suds of another kind....

Yikes. This guy looks like he's staring at something he'd like to eat with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Lonely, sexually neglected, devoid of magenta.

He needs a break. And what relieves a middle-aged red-blooded man better than.... a bubble bath!

Not just a bubble bath, but a bath with PURE foam, the kind of foam exclusive to Ivory. Banish from your mind the impotent froth of Dove. Discard any notion of the uninspiring lather of Pears. True satisfaction can only be found in foam as pure as the driven snow.

Something about that smile tells me he dropped the soap......

Monday, March 3, 2008

Potato Lover

I love Irish people. Especially this one: