Ok, I'm just going to say it.
I love you.
I love the shit out of you.
It's because of you that I'm gay for claymation.
Where do I even begin?
When we first met, I was 6 and it was Christmas Eve. I had just cut my sister's finger so bad she needed stitches. She had the scissors I wanted so I could make paper snowflakes. So I took them, and a bloodbath ensued.
As my parents were thus occupied, I settled in for some Christmas Eve television. And then..... you entered my life.
I will never forget the instant connection we shared-- it was as if my heart left my body and joined with yours in timeless stop-motion animation.
I would never be the same.
Sure, we've had our ups and downs. I doubt you'll ever forgive me for the year when I had to choose to watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation instead, because it was scheduled in the same time slot. What can I say? I really love the part when the cat gets electrocuted. But you have never been far from my heart.
Every Christmas season, there you are. You are my rock, my pillar of strength. I laugh when Rudolph is marginalized for his red nose. I cry when the Head Elf won't let Hermie be a dentist. Hermie is the dentist of my heart. He fills the cavities of my soul with a bonding compound of happiness.
I am forever altered by you, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. And when we get old and grey and make our way into the next life, I know you will by my side, with love as precious as Silver and Gold.