Thursday, August 6, 2009

Things I Hate: Office Edition

I know you feel me on these, darlings. Let's hate together. Let's love hating together. Naked.

  • Grown women who covet stuffed animals.
  • Related: Grown women who display stuffed animals and cutesy figurines at their desk. This is not going to get you a husband, girls. And while you're at it, get rid of the plushies from your bedroom, too. Nothing tells a man "Run like the wind" quite like staring into Nemo's dead, plastic eyes while plowing the HR girl.
  • The office douche-anova. If I don't fall all over you on my first day, I must be a lesbian. Or, pardon me, 'carpet muncher'.
  • When someone finds it perfectly acceptable to let me listen to their diarrhea-induced anal squirts and gurgles. Have a little shame, people. And please-- don't grunt.
  • The ever-present Asshole with a Bluetooth.
  • When management-types say things like: "Getting our ducks in a row", "Playing a little catch-up","Let's touch base", and "Coming down the pipeline".
  • Self-righteous kitchen notes. I know my mother doesn't work here, bitch. I left my mug in the sink because I'm fucking lazy.
Also-- that's not coffee. That's liquid apathy.


JamesB said...

"Nothing tells a man "Run like the wind" quite like staring into Nemo's dead, plastic eyes while plowing the HR girl."

That's a quality turn of phrase right there.

Eric said...

I've been known to drop a "Lets touch base" and even a "raise the bar". Every time I do though, a part of me dies inside.

PinkPanthress said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PinkPanthress said...

I hate it when people get noisy while shitting.
I know it's natural to shit, but why so loud when you're in a public toilet?

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