Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Synergy, We Hardly Knew Ye

Care to take a little stroll down memory lane?
Too fucking bad. Watch it.


What the hell were we thinking in the 80's?

So, Synergy is Clash? No? So she's the polar opposite of Clash? And she can jam Jem's concert with scary crotch-rays? But she can also make Clash into Jericha. But Jericha is actually Jem, right? And The Holograms are actual holograms? But, where does Jem come from in the first place? How does this work?

Looking back at the 80's, it's easy to see the tremendous effect that all the blow and Flock of Seagulls had on us.

As a child, I was a huge fan of Jem. I asked, begged, PLEADED for a Jem doll for Christmas. When I finally got one, I experienced such deep disappointment.

Jem is a fucking tranny. I know this, because I ran to my room to get my Ken doll as comparaison. She is bigger than Ken, has no hips, and her face bears the expression of an individual who is straining under the pain of a poorly-executed tuck.

Actually, upon further inspection, I'd venture to guess she has the shit sweats from a long night of Boone's Strawberry Hill and Moons Over My Hammy.

Also- please note the earrings. They stick into her head like voodoo needles. Once, I poked them into her neck and pretended she was Frankenstein. "Raaaaarrr!"

Don't even get me started on the hair.