Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Oh, My Aching Tiddies

Hey ladies!

Does your seatbelt dig in to your shoulders, neck or chest? Are you plagued with safety belt irritation at the site of contact? Have you ever wanted to get motorboated by a stuffed animal?



This adorable little bear will lie spread-eagled over your chest as you drive your hybrid car while wearing khakis and inoffensive pastels. The soft velour fabric feels almost sensuous against your skin. Or at least it would feel sensuous, if you hadn't given up orgasms for financial security back on your wedding day in '96.

The TiddyBear also doubles as a modesty device for today's Mormon mom-on-the-go. Is a little extra cleavage proving to be a point of contention with your husband's other 6 wives? Cover up your scandalous melon-crack with a plush chastity device.

But wait! It's not just for the ladies! Men can also use the TiddyBear! Sure, wearing a glorified Beanie Baby across your bitch tits takes a toll on your manhood, but you probably handed over the keys to your balls years ago, anyways.

And bonus- it's yellow! The colour of sunshine!

And urine.

2 comments:

Astonishing Sod-Ape said...

Every single thing about this post blew my mind! The labels were the incandescent icing on the magical cake. I'm giving you a standing ovation. On my keyboard. ik bnjma#rnebmqn ;b'sdlahndmk

Anonymous said...

Done well. I am impressed with the value of the advice presented. I hope that you keep up with the great job achieved.
locksmith fort worth
Locksmith in MARGATE FL
Walnut Creek locksmith
Locksmith Milpitas
Locksmith San Jose
Locksmith Fremont
locksmiths fort worth
miami locksmith
irvine ca locksmith
pembroke pines fl locksmith
irvine locksmiths
miami beach locksmith
miami beach locksmiths
pembroke pines locksmith
hialeah locksmith
locksmith miami fl
locksmith hialeah
miami beach locksmiths
mesquite locksmith
hialeah locksmiths
locksmith in hialeah